Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
