She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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