literally had 100 drinks last night.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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