whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
