i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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