Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
