I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
