There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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