This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
