I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
