I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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