Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
