Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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