You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
