ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
