no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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