Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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