so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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