I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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