allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
