Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
