Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
