But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
