I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
