There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
