you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
