I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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