i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
