Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
