Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So much rum. So many feels.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
