You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
