She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
