I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
