who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
