i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
