the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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