I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My feet surprised me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
