respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
How naked do you want me to be?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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