"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
