R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
