It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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