my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
