Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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