How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize