Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
