Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
