Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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