Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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