In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
