I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
