Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
