By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
