Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
