Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
