don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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