I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
