please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
3pm strippers are depressing
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
