cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
