Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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