Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
