i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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