Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
