the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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