You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
