Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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