she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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