Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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