Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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