Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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