I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
