Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
