I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
