just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
