Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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