If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
